Arranged Marriage versus Love Marriage
An Arranged marriage is a marriage planned and agreed to by the families or guardians of the bride and groom, who have no say in the matter themselves. It is set up by parents of both the Bride to arrange the wedding for the newly couples.There are still some societies today, as well as religions, that follow the tradition of arranged marriages. In some communities, arranged marriages are the norm, and future husbands and wives are matched up from childhood. Some people view arranged marriages as backward and wholly unnecessary, especially in this age where women are treated, or at least fighting to be, equal with men. Meanwhile, young adults are still keeping the tradition of arranged marriage. A good chunk of our population are go for arranged marriages, while others do not like the idea of it. I strongly believe people in our society should have the option to freely choose love and have a love marriage with their mate.
First and foremost, majority of the people consider having arranged marriages. People think that arranged marriages allow them to adapt to their arranged partner. For instance in "My Parents Chose My Husband" the author states, "It doesn't matter. You adjust to each other. You sacrifice, you compromise, you accommodate. For the sake of preserving the marriage, you change". This message is conveying that newly wedded arranged couples should adjust to each other meaning understand each other, and what they both like or dislike. They should feel comfortable having good communication with each other because that builds a healthy relationship. Both the wife and husband should have a compromise meaning to agree and settle to a variety of situations. Moreover it also states, "Arranged marriages are often confused with those that are forced. Experts say it is a family's traditions and cultural leaning- not religious mandates- that result in forced marriages". This means that arranged marriages are a superlatively part of many cultures and traditions that still keep this tradition alive. Islamically, a majority of the islamic culture design their son and daughter to have someone arranged to marry them. In college reading and writing textbook on page 264 the publisher states, "They are very stable because it is duty of the whole family to help the new couple get established in life". He is referring that arranged marriages are stable because the couples incrementally establish things in life with the help of their family. People who are arranged to have a partner tend to build a better future. Hence, when it comes to arranged marriages, people can not be afraid of what their parents have to say about it, to either approve or disapprove it. In addition, on page 264 it states, "Divorce is almost unheard of except for the reason of infertility because of the potential disapproval a couple would receive from the parents and members of the community who were responsible for the selection". This means that the arranged married couples would not have to worry about divorce because the groom or bride would rely on their parents to find a perfect mate for them. Good arrange marriages happen when the parents support and help their children to find their life partners according to their desires and likings. Mutual consent and understanding are the only ways a marriage can sustain. Also, arranged marriages can be both beneficial to the groom and bride. In traditional societies, the spouses can live with the parents in the same housing compound. When it comes to hard times, the groom or bride can rely on their parents and in-laws for physical, financial, and emotional support. It is more important to consider the social and economic viability of the arranged marriage rather than put romantic love as a priority which will diminish anyway because romantic love is at best a superficial feeling.
On the other hand, while others do not like the idea of arranged marriages because the couples can have different habits of what they do. In "My Parents Chose my Husband", Debie Thomas has an terrible experience. "He disliked my seriousness. I found him shallow. He craved adventure. I craved stability. He resented routine. I thrived on it". Debbie and her partner were two different people. It made it difficult for them to communicate and get along with each other. This shows that people who are in arranged marriages can be the opposite and not like what each other has to say or do. Moreover, in the article it says, "The issues become even more complicated for children of immigrants who are bombarded with western society conflicting messages of love and romance before marriage". People sometimes do not fall in love easily when they are married arranged. It takes a long time for the partners to love each other , and care for each other. It takes effort to love and have affection for the person they are in love with. They also have to gain eachothers trust because Trust is an key to happiness. Another disadvantage of arranged marriage is having bad impacts on couples. Obviously, arranged marriage is usually arranged by parents. However, this is an individual's marriage and even an opinion about this marriage is not asked individually. Hence, a daughter or son marry to the one they even don't know or meet before. After marriage, they can understand that their husband or wife doesn't have the characteristic which they are looking for. Consequently, this can cause a lot of problems in the family such as domestic violence, having no happiness, and ruining couple's future as well. In addition to domestic violence and having no happiness, the rate of getting divorce is increased, for they don't have a good relationship with each other and very often they make troubles. Because of the everyday problems that they can't persist they have to live separately or get divorce. Furthermore, couple's future can also be ruined. For example, a husband or wife has fallen in love with someone else, so they do not want to live or share relationship and time with the one that get married. They sometimes ran away from home or commit suicide if their parents or family put too much pressure or force them to continue living with their partner. In addition,disadvantage of the arranged marriage is that family's reputation and honor can be suffered indirectly by couple. According to the above disadvantage, husband and wife can cause seriously to their family. For instance, at the time a daughter or son runs away from home either before or after marriage, both husband and wife families' reputation are ruined. Relatives and neighbors might look down on parents. Sometimes people may insult that parents can't educate children well. One more thing that is even more shameful is that the bride or groom runs away from home on the wedding day. This is a problem that all often hear and meet in our society. Arranged marriages can have a bad influence on our society. Although having no happiness or relationship and getting divorced are individual problems, these still affect indirectly to the society. When there is an increase of divorce rate, the number of widows will increased because men are much easier to find a new partner, whereas widows are very difficult to find another new partner to spend the rest of their life with. That's why the government is now concerning about the widows' living condition. Moreover, many widows have to be responsible for everything in order to survive. In the case of having children, widows have a heavier burden. Anyway, it not surprised that children have mental injury. They can be easily influenced by gangsters and start making bad friends at school. When they have a lot of bad friends, they may start using drug. Finally, they will become the real gangsters and start stealing money or property from home and committing crime. As the result, this can decrease the amount of human resource and the government has to spend more money on building habitation center for drug addicts and developing more human resources.
Many people in our generation believe in love marriage because this type of marriage is based on understanding each other and the settlement in the family. People should have the option to freely choose to their lifelong partner. Qualities such as love, affection, trust, and strong communication can be developed when partners start to love eachother. Love marriages come to be when both partners fall in love with each other and develop that over the course of time. This love will allow them to be satisfied with each other and have a strong relationship with the concedence of marriage. Couples who do love marriage will live in happiness and peace because they had chosen and loved each other from the beginning. Couples who married upon love will understand each other. They will share their opinions and decisions in every thing whether small or big . Each one will not take any decision in his own life without sharing the other fellow. Happiness also is a very important benefit of love marriage , as everyone in the family will feel with comfort . The couples can enjoy their life . They will be content about themselves.They will not make the usually quarrels which we see in most of the families. Each one of them will look for the comfort and happiness of the other fellow , as there is a mutual love between them . If one of them fell into a trouble , the other one will save him, and try to help with all what he possess of money , energy or time . If one of them felt ill, the other fellow gives him the complete care till he becomes well. Someone who experience love marriage, the two people tie the marital knot only after falling in love with each other and have a strong companionship.
Some day, some day men and women will rise, they will reach the mountain peak, they will meet big and strong and free, ready to receive, to partake, and to bask in the golden rays of love.I reassure that people are better of having love marriages with the strong qualities such as strong companionship, love and affection, faithfulness, and a full commitment conceding with the love marriage.
What side of the fence youre in affects your point of view regarding the advantages and disadvantages of arranged marriages. Perhaps there are only advantages. Or no advantage at all. Your cultural upbringing and religious convictions are strong determinants of where you stand on this issue.
But for argument’s sake, why don’t we take a look at both sides of the coin? But before we do, we need to make it clear that arranged marriages may or may not be forced. In fact these days, more and more arranged marriages are premised on mutually consenting adults. Even people who pledge allegiance to the Islamic faith know that marrying an individual is possible only if they both like each other. Contrary to popular belief, Muslims believe that the happiness of both spouses is of paramount importance.
Advantages of Arranged Marriages
If we leave the west for a few days and transplant ourselves into any culture that promotes arranged marriages, we will, in time, realize the logic behind this practice and appreciate the reasons why they work. Some of those reasons can be attributed to the wisdom of elders. Because they raised and cared for their children, they instinctively know what’s best for their children, which includes the decision to select a life partner.
1. Risk of incompatability is diminished‘
Arranged marriages presuppose that two people are perfectly matched because they belong to the same culture, share the same religious upbringing, speak the same language, and raised in more or less the same socio-economic class. These identical backgrounds make it easier for the couple to communicate with each other and understand where each ‘is coming from.’ Decisions in the upbringing of future children and their education leave little room for disparities in their thinking because of this ‘likeness.’
2. Idea of divorcing is unthinkable‘
This is another acknowledged advantage of arranged marriages. Given that the man and woman come from a similar background and therefore share the same views of marriage and family, the chance of divorcing due to irreconcilable differences is not as strong as in western cultures.
Note that it is not so much the arranged marriage per se that reduces the likelihood of divorce. As we discussed in another article, most arranged marriages no longer trigger a negative reaction because a good number of them are not forced. Parents who arrange marriages are fully aware that their children can always refuse a selected partner, in which case they simply look for another suitable partner. The input from the future groom and bride carries weight. The combination, therefore, of the parents’ wisdom and consent of the child would lead to a happier union so divorce would be unlikely.
India is the perfect example of a society where arranged marriages are still the norm and where the divorce rate is very low.
3. Extended family support has its benefits‘
In traditional societies, spouses sometimes live with the parents or live in the same housing compound. In times of difficulty, the couple can count on the help of their parents and in-laws for physical, emotional and financial support. When the children are born and both spouses work, finding adequate babysitters is a non-issue because the grandparents pitch in the care and nurturing of the children. The children are therefore supervised by close family members instead of by complete strangers, making them comfortable because they live in an atmosphere that they know well. Needless to add, when the couple has arguments, well-meaning elders can step in and offer advice and ‘arbitration’ sessions.
Disadvantages of Arranged Marriages
For those who learn that arranged marriages are not necessarily forced, they adopt a more tolerant attitude towards this practice. One reason for this tolerance is that arranged marriages are a cultural trademark and should not be judged using western standards. If those who marry believe it’s ‘no big deal’ to have their marriages arranged because it is a way of life they are accustomed to, then why should outsiders try to convince them otherwise? It’s not as if they’re being dragged into the marriage against their will or being groomed as slaves.
Nevertheless, for the sake of argument, here are some disadvantages of arranged marriages:
1. Inability to make up one’s own mind‘
When marriages are arranged by elders or parents, this does not encourage spouses to make up their own mind about who to marry. Instead of dating and meeting people and comparing them against one’s ideals, they leave that part of the work to someone else. Should either spouse end up unhappy after being married a few years, it can be very tempting to blame one’s parents for making an unsuitable choice.
2. Love takes second priority‘
‘Decide with your head and not with your heart’ is what parents tell their children. This philosophy tends to put love in the back burner. For people who live in societies where arranged marriages are the practice, they are convinced that if they don’t feel any passionate love when the marriage takes place, love will bloom eventually. It is more important to consider the social and economic viability of the marriage rather than put romantic love at the forefront which will fade anyway because romantic love is at best a superficial feeling.
3. Interference from extended family‘
While there are benefits to having one’s extended family close by who can offer support when needed, this proximity has pitfalls. For some Muslims and others who have, in particular, been living in the west for a long time, may find this closeness a little awkward and uncomfortable. Some marital arguments and conflicts are settled better when only the spouses are involved. When the in-laws interfere and impose their views, this can cause stress to the marriage.